The Three Ingredients For A Family Life That Suits You

Education World

Having a satisfactory family functioning is real happiness but it is far from being obvious. Indeed, the family is a microcosm of society. Thus it undergoes repercussions of all kinds, whether positive or negative. So how can you have a family life that suits you and thus brings you real satisfaction? For my part, I discovered tools in my coaching training. So, it is with pleasure that I share some of it with you because it seems to be a good basis to lay down, especially if you feel that your family does not correspond to what you hoped for. To discover the three ingredients that are the pillars of your family life.

1st Pillar For Family Life That Looks Like You: The Mission

Your family’s mission is like your family’s Ikigai. Among the Japanese, Ikigai is the reason for being, which makes us want to get up in the morning. Ikigai thus gives meaning to our lives. We may forget it too often but when we start a family, we already have a representation of the family we would like to create. Then, carried away by the challenges of daily life and the difficulties that we did not suspect, we tend to forget these beautiful representations. Remembering this initial desire is a good way to feel what mission you want for your family.

What Is Your Reason For Being Together?

Then you can involve your kids in an are we a family game. The idea is thus to arrive at the formulation of a mission statement for your family: We are a family that (communicates, travels, has fun, explores, creates, has an intense social life, etc. ) Everything is possible because it must suit you.

2nd Pillar For Family Life That Looks Like You: Values

Values flow naturally from the mission. But since each person in your family may have different ideas, it’s important to align yourself with certain values that seem essential to everyone. These are the qualities that the family values and deems important.

To define these values, you have to be attentive to your behavior. For example, a person for whom the “learning” value is important will read a lot, listen to podcasts in the car, Or a person for whom “property” is an important value will spend a lot of time arranging their house, tinkering. It is important not to rely too much on the beautiful ideas that we can have on our great values. The values ​​that matter here are those that guide our actions.

Questions To Ask Yourself:

  • what is important to you?
  • what do you regularly do in your life?
  • Ditto with the children whose answers will have to be interpreted.

For example, if a family’s mission is to be a nurturing space where everyone is valued, heard, and allowed to develop at their own pace, then family values ​​might be listening, caring, honest communication, acceptance, etc. If the mission of the family is to explore, experiment, and discover the infinite richness of our planet, then its values ​​could be entertainment, adventure, or even freedom.

3rd Pillar For Family Life That Looks Like You: The Guidelines

Finally, the guidelines are there to define how your family will live up to its values to achieve its mission. They highlight the things to do (and not those not to do).

The Questions To Ask Together, As A Family, Are Of This Order:

  • What are the daily actions that would make us a family that… (your mission)
  • How could we act to be a family that

In addition, to help you write its guidelines, you can start from the rules you currently use. So you can use two columns: column prohibitions and a column “how to act. Thus, in the column of prohibitions, you list what is prohibited (even if it has never been formally written!). In the column how to act, you note for this example: to eat we must be at the table.  It is this positive intention that becomes a guideline.

If you haven’t read it yet, you can check out my article on the Pygmalion effect, or how when you really believe in something, you positively influence events. Indeed, it is hardly conceivable to ask a child to respect guidelines that respond to family values ​​without respecting them yourself! See how your children imitate you, take your gestures or your intonations.

If you end up with many guidelines, then select some of them to start with.  Always choose those that are likely to bring you the fastest benefit allowing you to go in the direction of your mission. Indeed, your goal is to have a family life that resembles you, so first, try to rectify everything that really bothers you.

Let’s go back to the example of the family whose mission is to be an enriching space, and whose values ​​are things like listening, compassion, and so on. One of the guidelines for this family might be, We never make fun of other people’s opinions. After having understood the mission of your family, defined the values, and set up the guidelines, respect must settle durably in the functioning of your family. Here again, as the word respect does not take on the same color for everyone, it remains to define an idea of ​​respect that may be acceptable to the whole family. For my part, there is a quote that speaks to me and that I often repeat to myself and you, how do you define respect and how will it apply within your own family.